Typical Singaporeans

Aden: Hello people and welcome to Typical Singaporeans...again. Today we have with us, Gabriel and Gabriel.

Gabriel: Wassup!

Gabriel: Yo!

Aden: ...

Gabriel: What's wrong?

Aden: I can't tell who's who.

Gabriel: (Looks at text.) Hm...

Gabriel: Why don't we try that again?

Aden: Right. (Dramatic pause) Ok people, welcome to Typical Singaporeans. Today with us, we have, Gabriel Wee,

Wee: Yo!

Aden: And Gabriel Loh!

Loh: Wassup!

Aden: For those who are new to this, let me start with a little recap. Typical Singaporeans is a text-based talk show where I and special guests, whether with their consent or not, talks about the habits of Singaporeans.

Wee: Like smoking.

Loh: And speeding.

Wee: Peeing in lifts.

Loh: Gambling.

Wee: Attitude problem.

Loh: And speeding.

Wee: You said speeding twice.

Aden: OK! WE GET IT! Now then, this show have not much viewers but as a writer, I shall carry on. (Clears throat.) For today's topic, we shall talk about gangster. Personally, I find Singapore to be lacking in quality gangsters these days. Do you guys agree?

Loh: Yes ogre- I mean Aden, most Singaporean gansters are weak and cowardly. Their style of fighting is you push me, I push you back, I scold, you scold, we scold back.

Wee: Huhuhu, that sounds stupid.

Aden: What's wrong with him?

Loh: Nothing, he always laugh like that.

Wee: Fuck you la, I where got laugh like that?

Aden: Hey! No vulgarities on this show. Don't make me scold you by not scolding you but in fact I'm scolding you by scolding your mom!

Wee: What?

Loh: He scolding your mom.

Wee: What the hell!

Aden: OK! Now, let's get back to buisness. So then, for the SMALL numbers of gangs in Singapore which citizens always complain about, what would you do if you have the power to solve them?

Wee: Round them up with police la!

Aden: Mutter* Typical

Loh: Singapore Police also no use one. Everytime all they do is see don't touch, touch don't see. See and touch, give ticket.

Aden: True. Singapore Police ARE useless.

Wee: Except for special cases.

Aden: Like?

Wee: ...

Loh: Well?

Wee: I'll get back to you on that one.

Aden: Sigh* Well, that's all the time with have for today.

Wee and Loh: TONIGHT!

Aden: Right, tonight. Next time, we shall talk about the new policies set up by MOE.

Loh: You very excited about this hor.

Aden: (Big smile) Well,

Everyone: Bye!

I've decided to roll a dice seven times to see who guest star next.

The options
1-Mark Ong
2-Mark Leong 1 rolls
3-Gabriel Loh 1 rolls
4-Gabriel Wee 1 rolls
5-Both Marks 2 rolls
6-Both Gabriels 2 rolls

and the result is...
a tie of two rolls at five and six! Since Mark Ong didn't get no role, the winner is "BOTH GABRIELS!"

So who should I invite to co-host the next Typical Singaporean?

Mark Ong and Mark Leong?

or

Gabriel Loh and Gabriel Wee?

Typical Singaporeans

Aden: Hellow guys and welcome back to TYPICAL SINGAPOREANS! For today's guest, we have Ong Cheng Hong, a personal friend of mine from school

Ong: WASSUP!

Aden: He practically knelt down and beg me to let him do this thing today.

Ong: No lor,you ask if I want or not one leh!

Aden: And out of the kindness of my heart, I decided to invide him today.

Ong: Oi! You listening not!?

Aden: And later, he's gonna treat me lunch.

Ong: When did I say that!? You're not listening to me!

Aden: And get me a new bag...

Ong: (Stands up and walk out of the room)

Aden: and a new video game...

Ong: (Come back in with a hammer)

Aden: and maybe even help me get a date! (Turns around to look at Cheng Hong) What are you doing?

Ong: (Smack him on the head, knocking Aden out cold)

Aden: Urgh...

Ong: Ok, today we're going to talk about lors. (Sees Syazwan walking pass.) Hey Syazwan, come here!

Wan: Me? What for?

Ong: Co-host la!

Wan: Um...ok. (steps over Aden's body.) So...what's the topic.

Ong: Lors.

Wan: Don't you mean laws?

Ong: Ai ya, all the same one la.

Wan: Whatever you say.

Ong: OKAAAY! Old Singaporeants is the type to just follow lor one. So, all the of us is a bit gong gong one. People say jump, we ask, "jump what?".

Wan: Isn't things a little different now?

Ong: Yes! The youngest the people is now all "Fa-ke-ne" and "CHEE BAI" everytime you try to get them to do things. And is because of this, we get weak people who act big one like Wai Chuan. (Looks over at WC who is tied to the flagpole, bound and gagged.)

Wan: Now that's just cool.

Ong: Of COURSE! I am the AH HONG what.

Aden: (Stands up behind Cheng Hong with a bamboo stick)

Wan: Um... Cheng Hong?

Ong: Wait la, now where was I? Oh yes, I was always bullied in primary school now I come Secondary school become bul- (Got knocked over the head by Aden.)

Aden: Asshole.

Wan: ......

Aden: (Looks at the camera and smile.) Next time on Typical Singaporeans, we are going to talk about gangsters. (Elbow Syazwan)

Wan: Ow! Oh, thanks for reading!

Typical Singaporeans

Aden: Okay guys, today we're gonna talk about typical Singaporeans and the problems with them. I don't count since I've been told I don't act like Singaporeans.

Shou: Are you sure about that? You act pretty much like Singaporeans to me.

Aden: No I don't. Have you not read all my proper English post before this? By the way, allow me to introduce today's guest, Shou Kenta from my fanfic, Lost Regalia.

Shou: Yeah, I took time off to do this shit so you guys better go read and review the story.

Aden: Ok, first thing on the list is, traffic accident.

Shou: I always wondered about that.

Aden: About what?

Shou: How is it people can crash when they're going at what, fourty, fifty kilometers an hour?

Aden: I'm glad that you ask Shou old chum. The thing is, Sinaporeans are always rushing because our schedules are always so tight. The place is so small that it takes barely half an hour to get from one end of the country to the other and thus, we can afford to squeeze in so may things in one day. Of course, typical Singaporeans can't manage time properly so they tend to follow the rest of the world and start rushing here and there.

Shou: Understandable and don't call me old chum. But still, there's quite a lot of accidents out there.

Aden: Yeah, Singaporeans also tend to speed since they don't have much excitement in their lives. Increasing speed from 40km/h to 120km/h in five seconds just to beat the light CAN and WILL kill you which brings us to our second topic for the day, laws.

Shou: Technically, it's night time right now.

Aden: Whatever.

Shou: HA! There, a typical Singaporean word.

Aden: Actually, 'whatever' came from the Americans.

Shou: Really?!

Aden: Really, now stop that, we're getting off topic.

Shou: Right, sorry. As you were saying?

Aden: Clears throat* The topic is now law which...will be covered next time.

Shou: Awww.........