Ticking

I wonder how long we have left. The world spin and moves on as sure as the rising sun of everyday. For every tick of the clock, a second of my life is washed away. So sometimes I wonder, do I still have time to do what I want to do? I want to go Japan and watch the cherry blossom bloom as the final snow of winter falls. I want to ride a motorbike and feel what it's like to really move. I want to sail the ocean on a big ship like, but not one of those modern kind either but those from the past where sails were still one with the wind and not on display in the museum. I want to publish my stories too. And I also want to know what it's like, to be able to lie down on a field of grass facing a clear blue sky, surrounded by friends who have been through heaven and hell with me. And of course, the feeling of what it's like to have that void filled with things of memories for which I can look back on and still smile if I ever get caught and thrown into the false tale of eternal happiness.

Two quotes today, just because they're good.

Time is an equal opportunity employer. Each human being has exactly the same number of hours and minutes every day. Rich people can't buy more hours. Scientists can't invent new minutes. And you can't save time to spend it on another day. Even so, time is amazingly fair and forgiving. No matter how much time you've wasted in the past, you still have an entire tomorrow. ~Denis Waitely

The Present is a Point just passed. ~David Russell

Lifelong

I don't know why but I've been feeling really down lately. It's like everything in my world is collapsing from the inside out. But everything is going fine for me is it not? I've made so many new friends and my academic grades have never been higher.

So why do I feel so lonely? So insignificant? So...normal? Have I been thrust into the spotlight so much that normal has become something long gone? Loneliness have become my partner for life it seems. Cause loneliness is what I've been feeling these days. I wonder why is that? I really do wonder why...

Still

Yesterday (2nd May), morning. Woke up.

Afternoon, went to the beach with Sandy, Brandon and Ashley.

After that, dinner at home. Mom cooked my favourite dish.

Evening, watched episode 1-4 of Heroes, Volume 4.

10:31a.m. My grandfather died.

A dying man needs to die, as a sleepy man needs to sleep, and there comes a time when it is wrong, as well as useless, to resist. ~Stewart Alsop

So yes, I am sad now. The whole thing got me thinking bout lots of things. Like how short our life really is. Just the other day, I witnessed a car crash. Luckily, no one got injured or killed. Still, I do have a tingle in my heart that I can never see my grandfather again. Mostly, I'm angry that I can't remember much about him except for his face and that the thing that caused him so much agony in his final years was ciggarettes.

I have not seen my entire family from my dad's side gather like this in two years. How much things have changed. I remember way back when when my granddad would always go feed the fishes in the pond and I'd always tag along. And how he was taller or things like the chair in his old room that I like so much.

Life is like a blanket too short. You pull it up and your toes rebel, you yank it down and shivers meander about your shoulder; but cheerful folks manage to draw their knees up and pass a very comfortable night. ~Marion Howard

At first, when they let me into the room with his body, I was reluctant. When they showed me his face, I took it in quick that he seemed so peaceful as if he was sleeping. It was not until later when I came back in to offer a joss stick that I got a good look at his blanket covered body. No movement, at all. No rythmic rise of the breathing chess or the stretching movement of joints. He was really dead. And that's when everything hit me. I realized how little I remember of him, even though we lived under the same roof for over fifteen years.

Filled with a mixture of emotion, I went back home. Angry at my sister who could smile like nothing happened. Hated myself for remembering so little. Happy that my grandfather can pass on so peacefully. Sad that I'll never see him again at least, not until I join them all if I ever get the chance. Until then, I'll have to live on for the memories of all those who can't.

Life begin and ends with a single heartbeat. So while we still have the chance, lets make every moment of enjoying life begin with one as well. And when the beating stops, it is time to enjoy a good nights rest until we are reborn into the morning sun. -Ng Jun Xiang