The Reason Why
People have once asked me, 'What's the best way to describe you?'. My reply was always either a joke, or when I'm more serious, 'I can't describe myself for I am no one but me.'. Then there came a time, where a friend of mine asked, 'Do you not believe in god? Why do you not have faith in him?'. I couldn't reply. Now here's my explanation for everything.
When I was young, I had four friends, really close friends. Benjamin, Terry and Guo Yang. I think the only reason why I'm who I am today is them. They started everything for me. We would dream, dream even though we're wide awake. Dream so much that we passed the bother of reality. They showed me a world I never knew. So different from our own and until now, I still stand on the line between those two worlds. They showed me this world which shield me from sorrow, especially when someone close to me passed away. I dare say, during that short period of time, I was truelly happy. After kindergardens, we went our seperate ways.
In primary one, I made many more friends but were shortly pulled away from them. In my new school, I was thrown into the darkness. The darkness was so deep, I could barely breathe. For three years which seems like an eternity, I was kicked, shunt, bullied, tied up, made fun of and was the target of a few bullies in school. Soon, I learned to fight back, but it caused me more pain as I loses the few friends I have. And not before long, I stopped. Faceless voice told me that as long as I don't hit back, I won't get hit. But the darkness didn't go away. It slowly ate away at me, bit by bit. Suicide came on my mind a few times, but I fought them. Counciling didn't help either. Three years of hell, grasping for some light. It's funny, how when you're happy, time seems to pass so fast. But it's the other way around when you suffer. After running through some darkness, I finally grabbed onto a small bit of that light I've been chasing, in the form of a guy named Ryan. Then came Shi Yun. She was the one who showed me that even in light, people still suffered, but they fight on for they have something they wish for. And it seems that it is only those people, who hide their true suffering self under layers and layers of smiles that do things for others than for themselves. I became one of them, at least, I think I did.
Soon, in my final year, I met a teacher. Her name was Angeline Tan. She gave me a book, one that changed my life forever. There was also a card in it, which gave me the strenght to continue on. It wrote,
Dear Jun Xiang,
Although you always frustrate me by forgetting to bring your work and yur constant chatter, you always bring a smile to my face.
Must cherish the moment, live life to the fullest and use whatever potential you have to the fullest. Don't let me down.
-Ms Tan
16-07-2004
The book she gave me was Harry Potter and the Philosopher Stone. And it was because of that book, I started to have a dream. A dream for a boy who was pulled from the deepest darkness. And with that, I decided to find ways in which to bring my childhood world to reality. I tried many things, but failed. Soon, I was in secondary. I met friends, many friends. And after so long, I smiled. Not a fake smile, but a true genuine smile from joy. People like Mark Leong, Cheng Hong, Valentina, Hui Xian, Loh, Wee, Joel and Dom showed me what's it was like to have friends again, and I found it, the world I lived in during my childhood and I was determined by then, to bring it to life.
I tried game designing, animations and many more but all failed. I descovered a game called Suikoden, which in turn led me to writing, finally a way to create my childhood world and share them. It might not make sense, all this babbling. But if you try to imagine and live through them from my eyes, it'll make many things clear.
It is the reason why I am who I am. Why I'll only fight to protect. Why I am able to withstand insults so much. Why I hold back my tears. Why I seem lost sometimes. Why I suffer in silence. Why I would say it was I who did something wrong someone else comitted. And lastly, why I am who I am.
There is a reason for this post. It is not senseless babbling. Look deep to see, look deep to hear. It is there. It has always been there.
"Darkness can take me. Darkness can devour me. But it can never touch my soul."
-Aden Ng Jun Xiang
When I was young, I had four friends, really close friends. Benjamin, Terry and Guo Yang. I think the only reason why I'm who I am today is them. They started everything for me. We would dream, dream even though we're wide awake. Dream so much that we passed the bother of reality. They showed me a world I never knew. So different from our own and until now, I still stand on the line between those two worlds. They showed me this world which shield me from sorrow, especially when someone close to me passed away. I dare say, during that short period of time, I was truelly happy. After kindergardens, we went our seperate ways.
In primary one, I made many more friends but were shortly pulled away from them. In my new school, I was thrown into the darkness. The darkness was so deep, I could barely breathe. For three years which seems like an eternity, I was kicked, shunt, bullied, tied up, made fun of and was the target of a few bullies in school. Soon, I learned to fight back, but it caused me more pain as I loses the few friends I have. And not before long, I stopped. Faceless voice told me that as long as I don't hit back, I won't get hit. But the darkness didn't go away. It slowly ate away at me, bit by bit. Suicide came on my mind a few times, but I fought them. Counciling didn't help either. Three years of hell, grasping for some light. It's funny, how when you're happy, time seems to pass so fast. But it's the other way around when you suffer. After running through some darkness, I finally grabbed onto a small bit of that light I've been chasing, in the form of a guy named Ryan. Then came Shi Yun. She was the one who showed me that even in light, people still suffered, but they fight on for they have something they wish for. And it seems that it is only those people, who hide their true suffering self under layers and layers of smiles that do things for others than for themselves. I became one of them, at least, I think I did.
Soon, in my final year, I met a teacher. Her name was Angeline Tan. She gave me a book, one that changed my life forever. There was also a card in it, which gave me the strenght to continue on. It wrote,
Dear Jun Xiang,
Although you always frustrate me by forgetting to bring your work and yur constant chatter, you always bring a smile to my face.
Must cherish the moment, live life to the fullest and use whatever potential you have to the fullest. Don't let me down.
-Ms Tan
16-07-2004
The book she gave me was Harry Potter and the Philosopher Stone. And it was because of that book, I started to have a dream. A dream for a boy who was pulled from the deepest darkness. And with that, I decided to find ways in which to bring my childhood world to reality. I tried many things, but failed. Soon, I was in secondary. I met friends, many friends. And after so long, I smiled. Not a fake smile, but a true genuine smile from joy. People like Mark Leong, Cheng Hong, Valentina, Hui Xian, Loh, Wee, Joel and Dom showed me what's it was like to have friends again, and I found it, the world I lived in during my childhood and I was determined by then, to bring it to life.
I tried game designing, animations and many more but all failed. I descovered a game called Suikoden, which in turn led me to writing, finally a way to create my childhood world and share them. It might not make sense, all this babbling. But if you try to imagine and live through them from my eyes, it'll make many things clear.
It is the reason why I am who I am. Why I'll only fight to protect. Why I am able to withstand insults so much. Why I hold back my tears. Why I seem lost sometimes. Why I suffer in silence. Why I would say it was I who did something wrong someone else comitted. And lastly, why I am who I am.
There is a reason for this post. It is not senseless babbling. Look deep to see, look deep to hear. It is there. It has always been there.
"Darkness can take me. Darkness can devour me. But it can never touch my soul."
-Aden Ng Jun Xiang
Aden saw the light at 8:04 PM
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